The Trailhead

Each month, you will receive some practical tips on ideas such as eliminating stress, finding your passion, clearing clutter, and maybe even some travel tips and more. Also look for helpful resources including book titles and websites. In addition, don’t be surprised when you find a call to action. I am a coach, after all! I hope you find some useful tidbits. If you decide to take me up on one of the monthly challenges, email me and tell me about it. I would love to hear what you are up to! If you know someone that you think may find something of value in here, please forward this newsletter on. And remember…the adventure begins at the start of The Trailhead!

My travelin’ man (AKA my husband, Bob) and I just returned from a fabulous journey to Costa Rica (which is why this month’s Trailhead is a tad tardy.)While there, we spent half of our time on the Pacific Coast in the lush and remote Corcovado National Park. This gorgeous tropical rain forest is home to more than 400 species of birds, 120 amphibians and reptiles, and 140 mammals. While there, we spent much of our time taking walks in the rain forest, especially listening and watching for the scarlet macaws and the varied monkey populations. While on one such jaunt, we heard some movement and activity high in the trees around us. There we spied a family of spider monkeys just hanging out, doing their monkey thing. There was the mom swinging from branch to branch with her baby tightly hanging on. There were the 2 juvenile siblings playfully engaged in a treetop game of monkey tag. And there was the adult male, the head honcho and protector of his family and domain. As we quietly moved closer to get a better view of this amazing family in action, the dad monitored our every step. Once we got a little too close for his comfort, he grabbed some tree branches with both hands and started furiously shaking them while glaring menacingly down at us. It quickly became very apparent that we had overstepped some boundaries here. He was ok when we watched from a distance yet when we got too close, he let us know. This intelligent furry relative of ours had explicit and admirable boundaries in place and he communicated them openly and directly.

Boundaries are those imaginary lines we draw around ourselves to protect us from the negative behaviors of others. There will be times when our friends, partners, family members, co-workers, or bosses will say or do something to us that will not feel good. Sometimes it’s with the best of intentions and sometimes it’s in order to get their own needs met.

When we are allowing the people in our lives to be disrespectful, manipulative and controlling, pushing guilt, or simply becoming a target for their own negative feelings, this is a clear indication that our boundaries or lines of protection are weak or even non-existent.

It was very obvious that this Costa Rican spider monkey had strong, healthy lines of protection in place. He knew how to let us know that he would not allow us to cross his boundaries. What about YOU? Would you say your own boundaries are strong, weak, or practically non-existent? What would you like to do this year to strengthen your lines of protection? How will YOU shake your branches?

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Challenge at the Trailhead:

1. The 1^st step to establishing healthy boundaries is awareness. Start by paying attention to how you FEEL when you are with someone. If you feel good about yourself, energized and positive after being with that person, your boundaries are strong and healthy. If you feel drained, exhausted, and totally negative afterwards, it’s likely you’ve allowed your boundaries to be violated. Begin to instruct those who are crossing your boundaries. Your mind, body, and spirit will thank you! (Check out the resources below for boundary setting how- to’s.

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Trailhead Resources:

(Developed by the staff, trainers, and participants of Coach U Inc.)

6 Conditions of Having Strong Boundaries:

Get that you need to dramatically extend your boundaries.
Be willing to educate others on how to respect your new boundaries.
Be relentless in insisting that your boundaries are always honored.
Make a list of at least 10 things that people may no longer do or say top you.
Demand that no one makes deprecating remarks, criticizes, makes fun, or is sarcastic to you…no mater what the situation!
Reward and thank those who respect your boundaries.

6 Ways to Set Boundaries:

INFORM: “I do not like the tone of your voice.”
REQUEST: “I am asking that you stop being sarcastic.”
INSTRUCT: “Do not touch me when you are angry.”
WARN: “If you do that again, I will…”
ATTACK: “Stop that right now!”
LEAVE: “You may not behave this way around me. If you wish to discuss this at another time, I am open. Right now, I am leaving.”

Thank you to those of you who joined me for one or more of my Outdoor Retreats of 2004. I hope that stepping out of your regular busy life for one day to enjoy the peace of being in Nature was of great value to you. Hope to see you in 2005!

To schedule a complimentary 30 minute coaching phone session, email me at patt.adventurecoach@verizon.net or call 609-953-0027